A Documentary of April 20

“A Day in the Cushy Life of Steph”

6:30 AM: After a usual night of tossing and turning due to the cheap-ass mattress she sleeps on, Steph wakes up very grumpy. She reflects briefly on the “Sleep Number Bed” literature downstairs on the kitchen counter, recalling how she’d been seduced by Lindsay Wagner’s persuasive and bionic voice, and thinks about ordering it. She looks around and realizes Russ is not in bed, but downstairs on the couch due to a brawl they had had the evening before when he came home from the gym and angrily started slamming and banging things around in the kitchen as Steph was watching the exciting new Fox drama “House.”
This perturbed her, because Steph slaves her ass away, day in and day out, preparing three squares for the kids, cleaning up, putting clothes away (she doesn’t fold, but who will quibble?), going to the store so much that her Kroger card should be tattooed to her wrist, handling the babes’ social schedule, driving them everywhere, ordering their dancewear, loading the dishwasher….and HE has the nerve at 9pm to act put upon? Steph explained that she had already unloaded the dishwasher twice that day, does he want a medal or something? Then, they said “F-You” a few times, and Steph went upstairs to read a fabulous new book.
Anyway….on with the new day. At 7:20, Steph inwardly moans over her twisted back, and drags herself out of bed to make sure the twins aren’t dressed in spike heels and spaghetti-strap tanks. At 7:30, the Corn Pops are poured. At 7:40, the phone rings, can Jordy’s buddy have a ride? At 7:50, Chloe remembers she had homework. Steph stands over Chloe bellowing out values of coins like a psychotic auctioneer: “Five…ten…fifteen…do I hear twenty five cents?”
Russ coolly strolls downstairs knotting his tie. Steph smooches the girls and shuts the door behind everyone as they all file out.
8:05…Coffee, email, the morning web sites: CNN, Yahoo, EBay, Realtor.com, Amazon.
8:40: Damn, I stink, Steph thinks, and heads upstairs to make beds, shower, and clean cat hair off the hallway runner.
9:15: Hair diffused into a mass of perky curls, Steph descends in her stretchy black capris and her turquoise and orange “Love and Music RockFest” Tshirt.
9:30: She checks her messages-- her awesome boss, CG has called. They play phone tag. He tells her he is heading to the optometrist. She leaves him a message asking if his eyes have finally buckled under the strain. They had a busy day yesterday at the Business of Security roundtable session that was hosted in Columbus.
10am: Realizing she has no pop or paper towels, Steph heads to her second home, Krogers. Gets irritated when she can’t shake this guy who is in every aisle that she’s in. For God’s sake who else buys beer at 10am??!!! Either he’s a stalker or they’re food and beverage soulmates.
10:30…Steph is home. Checks messages, answers several urgent emails, whips out a press release for the upcoming Symposium event.
11:00 pauses to boogie to Lindsay Lohan’s dance hit “Rumors.”
11:05 Back to work.
11:30 pauses to do some light cardio to Green Day’s “Holiday.”
11:35: Damn, I’m starvin’, Steph thinks, and rips into a bag of sweet & salty trail mix, and microwaves a crab-stuffed filet of sole. Yum!
11:50 Phone rings, can twins go to the zoo with their buddy tomorrow? (No school tomorrow.)
12pm: Talks to C.G.,--like Colin and Condaleeza, they do a debriefing.
12:30: Well, THAT didn’t tide me over, Steph grumbles, and has some cheddar and Saltines. Yum!
12:45 Thinks about calling Russ. Decides against it.
1pm: Scrapes candle wax off that had melted all over the bathroom floor. Sweeps it up. Feels a major sense accomplishment as said wax had been stuck behind the toilet since her Girl Party Friday night and she just assumed it would be one of those things that would NEVER get cleaned up.
1:15 Opens up her word document of her WIP, New Years Revolution. Chuckles appreciatively and closes it down.
1:20 Answers more emails. Sends a few updates to the “Bidness of Security” partners.
1:35 Goes upstairs and reads the book she’s totally into. Almost falls asleep.
2:10 PM: Instead, she forces her ass to get up and do the Lake Loop around Antrim Park. She clips on her pedometer, laces up her tennies and does the 1.2 mile stroll around the sparkling green lake.
3PM Back home in time for girls to come home. They rush in, say hi, and rush back outside. They have only been inside for thirty seconds but somehow in that small span the house looks like it’s been picked up by a giant, shaken, and thrown back down.
3:15 Checks the mail…a Borders buyer is interested in placing an order for Chalking it Up. Yay!
3:20 After having a brief kitty-conversation with her beloved cat, Steph is stricken when she realizes she has no photos of him. This must be remedied! She recruits Jordan to take some pictures of Steph and the fluffy Willy as they pose in a cuddly embrace.
3:40: Talks to CG regarding the Cleveland event today.
4pm Prepares for the recording session… chills the Bacardi Ice… gives girls a snack, chats with them about their day.
4:15—Ooops, one of her clients has emailed asking for a daily report. Pulls up Excel, cuts, pastes, save as,…attach, send!
4:45 kisses babies goodbye, hops in the Subaru.
4:46-5:18 –Fights hideous, heart-attack-inducing traffic on Polaris. Bangs on steering will and cusses at nobody. Feels sweat dripping between her boobs as the blood pressure rises.
5:18 Ends up in the driveway of the nice house out in the country where the studio is. Now that she has made it safely, and the stress has lifted, she appreciates where she’s at. Birds chirping…rolling fields…trees in bloom…big houses. Maybe we’ll move farther out of the city, she thinks, then remembers that she feels a bit panicky if there isn’t a CVS, Krogers, a good restaurant or video store within a 30 second drive.
She realizes her bandmates’ cars are not there. She calls Matt.
5:19-5:21 Good-hearted Matt gets his ass chewed. Demonic Steph has reared her ugly head. It goes something like this:
“Matt. Are you en route?”
“Uhhh…no.”
“Why? We’re meeting at five, right?”
“No…six.”
“ARE YOU SHITTING ME?”
(Matt laughs nervously)…”Nope, six o’clock.”
She then rants and rails: Does she have nothing better to do than sit in her g-d car for an hour and a half? Does he know how much that drive sucked? Is he aware of her splitting headache? What is she supposed to do NOW? Should she just drive around and look at f-ing cows? So they’re supposed to be out here until 11, not 10? But she doesn’t WANT to stay until 11, she’s tired! And what is Matt going to do about the Middle East crisis? and on and on.
They hang up, and Steph momentarily feels guilty as she always does when she goes off, but, she’s pissed. They told her the session went from 5-10!
5:22-5:50- Steph sits on the side of a country road and talks to her momma, (“Now WHERE, exactly are you?” Her mom asks), and then calls Russ. Things are kosher with RussMan. They’re being quite pleasant, really. She sees JC the bass player drive by and gets back on the road.
5:55- They are all present and accounted for. “You yelled at me,” Matt pouts sadly as he gets out of his Range Rover. She told him to just pretend he was Russ, or, be happy she felt close enough to him to yell at him. They’re friends again. They meet the cool studio guy, Dan. The Uncles soon are having a jolly time after they have a few drinks and Steph pops a few Motrin. (“Great, the band’s popping pills,” Matt says). “You know how everyone always complains that the diva is late?” Steph says. “We have the opposite problem: ‘Our singer, she’s a handful. She’s always early!’”
6- 10:15: The Uncles rock! They lay down five tracks. Drummer Don lays down the beat and nails it right away. Then, Studio Dan plugs JC in to fix the few clunkers he had hit and the fact that he played an entire song in the wrong key. (whoops.) JC gets his groove on. Then, it was time for Eddie Van Munster, AKA Matt, to whip up the magic. Something got into him….he certainly wanted this demo to shine. Shine with HIS sweet skills. Every solo turned into a freakin’ fifteen minute long Randy Rhodes tribute. The band and Studio Dan were looking at each other in wonder….busting up!!! But he laid that puppy down! THEN….even though Steph had sung along with the guys so that they could stay together, it was now time for her REAL session. She goes into the plexiglass booth, headphones on, and cranks each song out twice. It was VERY weird to be isolated and to only hear the music in her headphones. But-- It was an evening of laughter and merriment!!!! Especially when Matt went into the booth to record his backing vocals and you could just hear him yelling “HOLA! COMO ESTAS?” Studio Dan said he sounded like a happy little Mexican.
Pleased, they get ready to go. All they have to do is mix it all together tomorrow! “See you at six tomorrow,” Steph says… “Or noon.” Everyone thought that was humorous.
10:40: Steph is home, smooches her snoozing girls, chats with Russ. Finds out that Anwar got voted off Idol. WHEW! Constantine is safe…but she likes Bo too. The girls are home from school tomorrow, so she’ll hang out with them all day and spend some quality time.
11:15 The book she is reading falls out of her hands and she’s out!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZ

we are all made of stars.....

Had my chart done--- it's amazing how right-on this is!! I love this stuff. I used to be quite good at it.

Birth Chart
This birth chart shows the positions of the planets of Stephanie.
Sex F Cincinnati, OH USA 12/26/1969 05:44 am- Julian day 2440581.95 Adjust 5.00 ST 11.25 Lat 39.09 Long 84.27
The sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality and outward-shining creative energy.
Sun in Capricorn (my "sign"): She is honest, reserved, circumspect, honorable and strong-willed. Quietly ambitious within the realms of the possible, she likes and takes on responsibility. She can work in the social domain.
Capricorn ascendant Sagittarius: (My rising sign: Saggitarius-a rising sign is what the outward world sees) :Forceful personality. She is strong-willed, authoritarian. She is self-confident but is sometimes arrogant. Has a happy childhood. Her desire for self-development leads to success and she has a good professional job.
Conjunction Sun - Venus :She is gay, sociable, welcoming. She is a lover, and has many affairs: she is seduced by beauty and charm. She likes the Arts and social life. She is energetic, determined, courageous, she is full of self-confidence. She likes to dominate, command, direct. She overcomes all difficulties by sheer will-power. She is frank. She has high social ambitions, respects justice and the law. She is tolerant, optimistic, kindly. She has every chance for professional success in a strictly legal setting. She likes to work alone, quietly. She pays attention to detail, is serious, methodical, patient and can take on long, difficult and delicate tasks, and complete them.-
Her independence and need for liberty are all-important. She does not accept constraints or barriers. Mainly extravagant eccentricity.
The moon represents a reaction, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image. Moon in Leo-(my moon sign: the inner me) She is brave and knows how to take risks, has the courage of her convictions, is honest, imposing and sharp. She has a great sense of and respect for justice. Organizational sense. Selectivity in friends, but is not influenced by them. Taste for splendor. Weaknesses: changing and numerous affections. Emotional ups and downs, pride. She has a tendency to bad dreams. Is interested in the occult. She is imaginative and has the Moon's intuition complemented by Uranus' independence and originality. Her life is out-of-the-ordinary, with lots of changes and a great knowledge of the world not through reading but through personal experience. She likes the sensational, new things. She acts instinctively, but fortunately has a good sixth sense. She likes to be surrounded by original people, artists. She has a good influence on the family, which loves and helps the person. She likes travelling, movement, change. She likes contact and is open to other people. Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit. Mercury in Capricorn: Reflective, deep thinker: a fine and vivacious mind. Undertakes lengthy studies or, if circumstances do not allow, will teach herself. A rational person.
Venus in Sagittarius: Open-heartedness, devotion, generosity, charity, altruism. She likes foreigners or she can find love abroad. Weaknesses: she loves adventure and risk, and the unforeseen is always to be expected. She is generous, altruistic, devoted, warm-hearted, lovable and sweet-tempered. She is drawn towards the Arts, music, song. She likes gatherings, parties. She has big emotional highs. Peaceful life in love. She is good-hearted, generous and has a good character. She likes well-being, comfort, a life without problems. She has good relations with her circle. She is easy to approach. All the same, she falls in love easily. She has a successful married and professional life.

Verrrry cool.
I HAD AN AWESOME WEEK!!! Something bad has GOT to happen with how great everything is going. Thursday, I spoke at Barnes & Noble and met some very cool people who happen to be fellow horse-lovers and invited me out to their stable, so I am going to ride soon. Friday, -Laura, Melanie and I had Girls' Night which got a bit out of control. We ended up going to visit the boys who were smoking stogies and sipping Wild Turkey. Then we went to Gary's. THEN, of all things, we ended up downtown at Wall Street!!! (Just us girls.) I haven't been down there in years!! Ahhh it hasn't changed. Just good, clean girl-on girl contact as the trance music pounds and the smoke machines and strobes pulsate. (I mean, I had no girl on girl contact, but you know what I'm saying.) There was even some mooning involved, of which I did not partake in.
Now, for a SEVERE change of topic (stay with me here) I went to the school to have lunch with the babies today. I mean, they just kill me. They were soooo excited to have me there, --their teachers said they had been talking about it all morning. They even both sat on my lap. Then we all went on a "nature hike" out on the playground field, and held hands with all their friends and skipped, and played Red Rover...(the tiny little bodies of all their friends had NO chance of busting through my muscular biceps. Not to mention I have about 100 pounds on them.) Then they cried when I left. They are so attached to me. It makes me feel so needed and important. I mean, my visit made their whole DAY. I felt like the damn President. They are such cuddly bugs. Russ says when they hear one of "my songs" on the radio they say "TURN IT OFF. It makes me think of Mom." --(Right now our song is Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. God I am a sap. But I just BUST into song when i hear it. That girl has a set of pipes.)
-Actually, for being almost 12, Jordan is pretty great too. We're very good pals. We laugh and she tells me stories, late at night when she's in bed. She's a fantastic kid. I can really depend on her.